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I`m a huge fan of screaming "You`re welcome" really loud when people don`t say thank you...
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
I don’t always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.