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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
Does this green St Patrick`s Day beer count as a vegetable.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.