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The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
You millennials and your obsession with public healthcare. Back in my day we just died
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
Neighbors just kicked me out of their shower and called the cops. Some of these pokemon go instructions are confusing. A lot of grey area...
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
I`m right 98% of the time. Who cares about the other 3%?
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?