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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
My friends says that I spend too much time talking to random people online. What do you guys think?
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
If you go for a jog and you don`t post it on Facebook, have you really jogged?
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
I don`t feel like folding the laundry, so I just restart the dryer
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.