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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
I order all my food with extra gluten.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"