Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
Things I didn`t learn in high school... how to pay bills buy a house apply for college but thank goodness I can graph a polynomial function.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
There are no problems which cannot be solved through suitable applications of high explosives.
I swear my bed just whispered "Please Don`t go."
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
I hate people who say "Age is just a number" — Age is clearly a word.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.