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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
The only thing I love more than cake is cakes.
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
Dating these days must be so hard, because how do you know somebody loves you if they don’t make you a mix tape?
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.