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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
Never do I feel as lazy and rude as when someone else in the room is vacuuming.
Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
I want the time management skills of people who effortlessly carve out entire hours to be offended by every single thing on the internet.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
I sure do feel a whole lot more attractive at WalMart than I do at the gym.
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
You seem to be very educated on the things you make up.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.