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SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
You should have seen the guy who unlocked the liquor store this morning. It was like he never saw anyone roll up a sleeping bag before.
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.