Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My boss just asked me why I wasn`t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn`t see him coming
Car horns were invented 1% for safety and 99% because people get pissed off sometimes and need to let a mofo know.
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let`s negotiate.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
Plastic surgeons are the only people that actually encourage you to pick your nose.