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I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
You had me at "I hate that b!tch too".
So much to do and so few alibis.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
Serving sarcasm with a smile since 1984.
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
My own personal hell sounds great, actually
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.