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i am not so think, as you drunk i am
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
I have a pretty big ass, so when I half ass something you`re still getting something impressive.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?