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Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
Roses are red, this much is true, Violets are purple, not f*cking blue
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
I saw a sign at a cafe that said, "shoes must be worn." I was upset, because my shoes were brand new.
Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks.
Sometimes I sit and wonder what the world would be like if I wasn`t awesome ... That would be scary.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along