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Time heals all wounds...unless it`s infected or gangrene or something then time makes it worse.
It`s ok if you don`t like my personality,,, I`ve got others.
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
I will write something profound ... subsoil!
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
I don`t understand the saying "you snooze you lose"... I hit the snooze button 8 times this morning and feel like a champion.