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I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
My life is just one long improvisation.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
Anyone notice the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?