Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m thinking of changing my voicemail to the following: "If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me."
Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
I`m glad I know sign language. It`s pretty handy.
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
I wish there was a room where we could go and see all the stuff we have ever lost.
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!