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what does bgif mean on a friday night ? ... boobs go in front
My worst fear is seeing one of my statuses marked as "exhibit A"
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
The woman in the Superman underwear next to me does not quite understand how white pants work.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
"We`d be rich if you just said one f*cking word" - me, drunk, talking to my dog
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join an XXX Facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really really big shirts.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.