Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Million dollar idea: Duck Dynasty chia pets.
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
If you say "I slept like a baby" in front of me, I`ll ALWAYS assume you woke up every 2 hours, pissed yourself and cried for your mommy.
When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
There’s no worse feeling than realizing your wife has fallen asleep & you’ve spent the last 20 minutes watching Real Housewives by yourself.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.