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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
A pessimist thinks that all women are sluts. An optimist hopes that they are.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!