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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
I’ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous last week. The first thing they told me to do was to stop hanging around other alcoholics. So I stopped going.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
When I`m in an elevator with a stranger I generally hold their hand to let them know that they`re safe
If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME stuff why didn’t he just buy dinner?
1. OMG will this ever end? 2. OMG will this ever end? 3. OMG will this ever end? - top 3 things on my mind when I`m in a conversation
Is it bad when I’m talking to myself and I’m not even listening?
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem