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My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping