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Mowed the lawn yesterday with my shirt off and this morning there were 50 shirts left on my porch with a sign that said, "Please wear."
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
Gonna start a new job tomorow at a archaelogical site, I know I`m gonna dig it.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
It`s not too late to start convincing our children that the world really did end in 2012 and we`re the survivors.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
It`s not a real hangover until you bring a pillow into the bathroom.