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I go to McDonald`s once a month just to replenish the napkin stash in my car
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
Just witnessed kids playing tag. What is this world coming to? Do their parents know they are outside, interacting, and getting exercise?
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode