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Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
"Wow! That butterfly`s gonna be HUGE!" - First person to find a mummy
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".