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I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Please do not read this.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
should probably get my daily dose of calcium.. white russians it is
To whoever has my voodoo doll, please scratch between my butt cheeks. I`m out in public. Thanks.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
Welcome to the obesessive-compulsive hotline... please press 1 repeatedly.
I wan`t you to know that someone cares. not me, but someone.
My mind is telling me nooo... But my body... My body`s telling me yesss...BABY. Cashier: Sir...would you like fries with that or not?