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If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
You should probably first master the art of thinking “inside” the box
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
Don’t ask a girl where she wants to eat. Tell her to guess where you’re taking her to eat. Then take her to her first guess.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
Nobody cares what you`re gonna do in 2015. Now post some nudes.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.