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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
Hell hath no fury like me when I’m slightly inconvenienced and hungry.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
This earthquake was the first time that I`ve ever said, "it was 4.7, but felt bigger."
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
I don`t drink to feel better about myself. I drink to feel better about being with you
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.