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I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
my Dr. says i have ADHD, i dont know how they see.... oooooh a squirrel!
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
Give a man a gun he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.