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The self-checkout line was a miracle for the condom industry.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
I can`t believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
Nothing is impossible.. Never Give Up.. I know a guy that once actually guessed correctly why his girlfriend was mad at him.. :|
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."