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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
That moment when you are having a conversation in your head and you realize you are making faces that go along with the silent conversation.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
Wishing a happy unbirthday to everybody who`s birthday isn`t today.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
Ever notice how many friends you have when you pull out a pack of gum?