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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Sunglasses: I don’t want to make awkward eye contact with certain people.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
Men are a lot like kids, if you want to shut them up, put a boob in their mouth.
Who me? Oh I`m just waiting for my husband to apologize for something I did wrong...marriage is fun
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
Vodka: Taking you from a 6 to a 10 in five easy shots
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.