Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
When asked `What would you bring with you to a deserted island`, how come no one ever replies, `A boat.`?
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Do you smoke? Smokers: "Yes." Non-Smokers: "Never have, never will." Stoners: "Smoke what?"
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.