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We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
When girls flash its called, "girls gone wild" when men flash its call ... "America`s most wanted"
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
Since everything is closed for Thanksgiving Iām going to drive around and park in all the good spots I never get.
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.