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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
Bacon...need I say more
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!