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A world without women would be a pain in the a$$.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
Likes doing tokyo drifts with the shopping carts when I round the corner of each isle at Walmart.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes.
Is bloodletting still in use today? Just thinking...I know a couple of people here that may be in need of some bloodletting
I wish the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial would ride his motorcycle through my town.
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.