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I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
I was going to exercise this morning, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.