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Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,...Why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
Apparently putting Alka-Seltzer in my mouth while getting baptized and pretending I’m being possessed by the devil is not funny.
I think my credit card looks weird. Could you send me a picture of yours so I can compare?
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
All I want for Christmas is for these calories to not count.
If your bf/gf tries to start a fight with you just say, "Please. Not during Toyotathon."
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.
I don`t think I have enough money to find long everlasting love.
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........