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As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
When someone asks if you lost weight, the correct response is always, "no, it just seems like it to you because you got fatter."
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
If I’ve learned anything in my twenty-two years on this earth, it’s that it’s okay to lie about your age.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
Some people are too chipper early in the morning. They don`t realize how bad it is for their health.....until I`m choking them
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol