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Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
The guy blaring the self help CD at the red light in the rusted car with no bumpers wasn`t amused when I said, "I don`t think it`s working"
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.
I`ve finally stopped drinking for good ... And I`ve started drinking for evil.