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RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if Iām right
Old meaning of sorry. "I won`t do it again." New meaning of sorry. "Damn I got caught, next time I need to be more careful."
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
I think I have an urge to get up and clean the house. Wait...no, false alarm.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.