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My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Be careful when you follow the masses. Sometimes the “M” is silent.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
My entire working knowledge of automotive repair is derived from the song "The Wheels on the Bus"