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Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
To whoever finds the $20 I dropped last night: spend it on alcohol. It`s what I would have wanted.
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
I find it quite ironic that the most dangerous thing about weed is getting caught with it.