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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
My new years resolution is to try to actually finish someth
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.