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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
Today would be a great day to leave a note on a random car that says "I know what you did".
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping…..Ha, try online dating
Kid, I can take you out the same way I brought you into this world, by making it look like an accident.
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
It`s so hard being a single mom when you have no kids and are a male teenager.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.
i dont have drain bramage.