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why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.
If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you’d never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else’s phone. Ever.