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Parents, forget about teaching your kids about the birds and the bees. Teach your kids the difference between their, they`re and there.
Holiday Shopping Tip #112:Next time you see someone with their arms full of bags looking around a parking lot while pointing and clicking their horn button, help them out and start pushing your horn button too!
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
There are dozens of different flavors of ramen noodles, but they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
I suffer from premature procrastination. It’s when you procrastinate before even receiving a task.
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."