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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
45 minutes on the treadmill is no big deal if you don`t turn it on
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
If your conspiracy theory doesn`t involve cats and dogs, don`t bother me.
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.