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Eggnog is perfect for when you feel like drinking a glass of pancake batter.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
if you want me to go running with you, I´m going to need some motivation... Like a clown waving a bloody knife and chasing us.
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?