Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
take me drunk i`m home
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
Massaging the shoulders of the person in front of you at the Redbox machine will usually help them make up their mind faster.
If one of Santa`s helpers takes a picture of himself with his smartphone, is that an "elfie"?
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication!
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.