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Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
Warning: I just get weirder.
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
Just been on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
The early bird gets the worm! So does the late bird. They all get worms all the time; there`s tons of those things. Relax, there will always be a lota worms......
What the world needs is a self help movie, cause lets face it, most of us won`t buy the book.