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In Store Special - "You`re My One and Only" Valentine`s Day cards... 4 for $5...
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
Sometimes I think "What would Dexter do"?
You know what would make my cubicle super cute? Fire.
Sometimes the only reason I leave my house is so when someone asks about my day I don’t have to say “Netflix and avoiding responsibilities"
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Only you can prevent bathroom mirror pictures.
Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman.
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point