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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
Wine doesn`t have many vitamins. That`s why you have to drink a lot of it.
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?