Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
Look, all I`m saying is that the dinosaurs didn`t drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
It`s always fun to act like you don`t see the person running to catch the elevator your in just as the door starts closing.