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So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
"Hello, 911? Hi, I was just wondering: is it stop, drop, THEN roll? Cause my friend--STOP SCREAMING, I`M ASKING THEM"
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Next time one of your friends leave their Facebook open, randomly pick one of their friends and like all 973 of their photos.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.
Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.