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Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
"Everybody freeze!" -December
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses...
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.