Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why do people say ”I saw it with my own eyes.” Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
You need a high five, in the face, with a chair.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
That awkward moment when you’re laughing so hard, you accidentally hit your head on something..
Some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk & some people repeat themselves when they`re drunk.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.