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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
Because of tanning beds, 1000 years from now archaeologists will think we used to fry people as punishment.
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
Pro Tip: If you`re on the bus, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
I live in a madhouse, ruled by a tiny army, that I made myself
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.