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I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I`m checking Facebook and not taking pictures.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
I love that moment when I`m cruising down the highway listening to country music and I suddenly realize "wait a minute I can change the station!"
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.