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Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
I don`t know why it`s necessary to get a glass dirty, when wine tastes perfectly fine straight out of the bottle.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.