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“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
Like medicine, some people should only be allowed to talk in doses. Like 30 sentences three times a day.
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing out of Home Depot.
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.