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Just realized the laundry detergent has been in the refrigerator for 3 days, in case you`re looking for a business manager.
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
When exactly are they going to make Xanax fit my Pez Dispenser?
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
Ladies, if you are really good at blow jobs, you don’t have to pretend to like football.
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
Don`t have sex man, it leads to kissing and pretty soon you will have to start talking to her..
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.