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Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I`m hoping that she`s having an affair.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
If your talking behind my back then guess what? Your in a pretty good position to kiss my a$$!!!!
Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.
Its amazing how much more tolerable thanksgiving with the family becomes after the 5th cocktail…
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
Two can play that game...` -people who dont understand that`s how games usually work
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
I`m not lazy... I`m in energy saving mode.
Whoever made up the saying "It`s the thought that counts" never got a pair of crocs for Christmas.
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.