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I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not sharks though. Or bees. Viruses. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don’t love anything.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
My wife just changed here facebook status from "Married" to "widowed", should I be scared?
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.