Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
Dating a woman in 5 easy steps: 1. Be attentive 2. Don`t be too attentive 3. Show interest 4. Don`t show too much interest 5. Seek therapy
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
Just saw the previews for the movie Taken 3, you would think by now he would`ve gave his daughter self-defense and gun lessons?
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"