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If I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
I am proud to say that I have completed the 1st item on my bucket list... I got the bucket
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.