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Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
Video games are cool because they let you experience fantastical power-fantasies. for example in The SIMS you have a job and a house.
You know that chick who said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?"... Yeah, well I ate her.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones? I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
I hate taking down Christmas decorations just to put up Halloween decorations...
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
Arguing in sign language must be a workout.
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.