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Somewhere someone`s therapist knows you.
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)