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I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
I hate when I spend the extra money to buy organic vegetables only to get home and find out that I bought regular donuts.
These spaghetti-o`s taste like I don`t get paid until tomorrow.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
“I saw that.” -Karma
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
I`m a little ticked off, I checked a book about surgery out of the library and when I opened it up I found that someone had taken the appendix out
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?